Lately I feel overwhelmed. Not at anything in particular but just at trying to keep His peace and joy afloat. Some days life is just harder than you can manage, ya know? It's expectations from husbands, children, co workers or a friend, your house, even your swimsuit who's screaming, "Girl, you need to make some time for me!" Haha y'all know what I'm talking about! The brownie lied, said it was no big deal, no one would notice...cookies and ice cream jumped in and the peer pressure was just too much and now my swimsuit won't even look at me. Some days enough just isn't enough.
My feelings of impatience, discouragement, weariness, disappointment are drowning His peace and joy and I'm the lifeguard on duty trying to keep them above water. But have you ever really watched a lifeguard at work? I worked at the YMCA for a season of my life and we always had lifeguards on duty. In all the months I worked there I never saw one actually have to save someone. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking lifeguarding at all. It's a hard job and incredibly important. I'm just trying to point out that for all the minutes, hours, days, they sit there, most are just spent watching and being ready. We are to be lifeguards-to guard life, to watch for when God's peace, joy, and love are drowning in our lives and be ready to save them.
The other day I was on duty and I got caught unprepared. I let all the fruits of the Spirit drown. I think we've all had these moments, we're human and failure is a part of that. It's not something God is ever surprised by so luckily He's standing by somewhere ready to jump in and save us. But I think the most frustrating thing for me this last slip was that I was ready, I was sitting in my lifeguard chair with my buoy and whistle but I got a distracted and missed it.
Of course, after this moment and some wallowing in my own guilt and shame, I rolled over on my knees and asked God to forgive me. And you what, He did. He sent my boys with hugs and friends with encouragement, the perfect devotional to carefully anchor my soul back to Him. When we're completely broken and emptied of our selves, He can then fill us up with Him.
"Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me, My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become." 2 Corinthians 12:7-10
Have you ever decided to go somewhere with a friend or spouse and you go to get in the car but its locked. You glance in your purse but don't see the keys and you immediately think, "Ugh! My husband told me to go get in the car but he's got the keys and now I'm standing here just waiting on him!" The 30 seconds you wait feels like 30 minutes so you're really annoyed. Then he comes out and asks why you aren't in car; you look at him like "really?" as you explain to him why it's all his fault. Finally, when you're done fussing at him, he tells you, "Honey you have the keys." I've spent many hours in prayer, telling God how frustrated I am about a situation where I've been waiting on Him, thinking about how long I've persevered, and when is my blessing coming, then God says, "Honey you have the keys." You see, after He held me His arms for a bit and I began to realize everything would be okay again, God told me all the waiting I've done wasn't on Him, it was on myself. I have the keys to open the doors I want opened. God guides us, yes, with His Word, His Spirit but if we don't get the keys out of the purse and open the door, we'll just be stuck thinking we're persevering when that's not what God is asking us to do.
I also realized in all of this, despite my faith, I don't fully trust God. With big things, yes, but with little things, no. I tell myself He doesn't care or have time. But y'all, He does. I decided to write down five things that seem silly to me to pray about and I'm going to pray about them. I'm giving them to God because he wants to affirm my faith. Not just in the big things but in the little ones too, like what chair I buy for my bedroom, or how my accounting meeting goes at work, what baseball team my son plays on. "Cast ALL of your cares on Him because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7
God doesn't just give us the destination, He gives us everything we need for the journey. So get the keys, start trusting and go!
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