Bigger than Your Roots

"Our thoughts about how God wants to use us are much too small. I really think that's why sometimes we hesitate to leave our old ways behind., even when we know God is calling us to something greater. What God calls you to leave will pale in comparison to His blessing ahead." -author unknown

Are we afraid of what it would look like to obey? What holds us back from our greatest blessings?

Fear is a root of sin. This means a lot of our sins develop from the feeling of fear. Fear of rejection, disappointment, failure, loss, getting hurt some way or another so we try to control people and situations, we hurt others first, we don't try or do things we know we probably should. Fear keeps us from being obedient and ultimately from the great things God has planned for us.

We all have insecurities and fears about something but we need to train our faith to be bigger than our fears. Our past, background, or even current distractions will not stop God from favoring us. The only true hindrance is disobedience. If you think God can't use you because you're too scared, too insignificant, not pretty enough, smart enough, strong enough, then hold on because God is about to use you. That's who He wants, who He calls because in our ordinariness, He is extraordinary. Noah was a drunk, Abraham was old, Leah was ugly, Joseph was abused, Gideon was afraid, Rahab was a prostitute, Mary was a teenager, Jesus was a shepherd boy. He qualifies the called, He doesn't call the qualified. What these people have in common is that they didn't let their weaknesses hold them back from doing what God wanted them to do. Despite their sins and their fears, they brought every broken piece to God and He did amazing things in them and through them. He saved the world.

Sometimes I let my kids eat ice cream for dinner. Or on special occasions, I let them eat candy seriously all day long. I think it's important to say yes sometimes to their sweet little dreams because that's what my Father does for me. My 11 year old wants to play Major League baseball. I know the odds but who am I to tell him he won't. God might just say yes. I want their dreams to be big because I want God to be big to them. If we dream small dreams and act and love in small ways, then we aren't giving God the room He needs to our lives to do big things.

We serve a big God so why not ask Him for big things? We think so small. If we can't make sense of it, then it can't happen, it can't be real. But I believe if we really reflect on the moments God has been faithful to us, aren't they unbelievable? I want to think bigger! Deeper, all the way past my roots until every part of me reflects Him. Not because I deserve it but because my God can do it. He's giant and fun and good. If we really, truly, deep down believed that, there would be nothing we couldn't do. With God, nothing is impossible.

Trust the Process

Thoughts from last fall:

This is the perfect time of year for those of us who suffer from lack of self-control. And really, who doesn't suffer from that in some way...eating, shopping, talking, sleeping, social media....whatever your indulgence may be, we all have at least one. Halloween gives us a rough start, tempting us with every sort of candy you can imagine. I have three boys and a hubby with a voracious sweet tooth so Halloween is a challenge readily accepted at our house. As soon as my boys get their buckets full, they empty them into a giant backpack my husband wears and off they go again to refill their buckets. This happens over and over until they're exhausted of running from house to house or their costumes are in shambles, whichever comes first. For better or worse, I allow my boys to eat all the candy they want until its gone (which usually only takes a few days). I'm a firm believer in natural consequences so I figure they might as well just get it out of their systems even if it means being sick. Plus it keeps me from being tempted for weeks on end. KitKats and Reese's have a way of breaking me down. Of course, after Halloween, its downhill from there. Goodies, baking, Thanksgiving Day, then Black Friday which if you've never participated, is pure chaos, holiday parties, shopping, eating and drinking in a never-ending cycle until finally one big crash at New Years where you desperately try to stay awake long enough to feel like you've fully appreciated every moment of the last year with all the joy and thankfulness you can muster but knowing full well that tomorrow when you wake up to a brand new year, you have so many things that you need to do better and somehow magically in a new year you'll find the self-control to do them all.

A lack of self control is the enemy of consistency. I don't know who said that but I think its completely true because I also think the way to success is by being consistent. There are no secrets. You can't become smarter, thinner, debt-free, richer, kinder, prettier overnight. It requires creating a new habit and doing it everyday even when you don't see the rewards. I've exercised and dieted for weeks on end to see no results. And yes, in health, sometimes you need to change things up, a new routine, a different diet, heavier weights, less cardio or more, but without hesitation, I can say training consistently is worth it. Eventually, if you press on, results will come. Trust the process.

Romans 14:22-23 says, "Cultivate your own relationship with God, but don't impose it on others. You're fortunate if your behavior and your belief are coherent. But if you're not sure, if you notice you are acting in way inconsistent with what you believe-some days trying to impose your opinions on others, other days just trying to please them-then you know that you're out of line. If the way you live isn't consistent with what you believe, then it's wrong."

The great news is, God is the best personal trainer. Cultivate a relationship with Him. When you know Him, it makes it easier to hear Him and when you hear Him, it's easier to know what He wants you to do and that's when you'll bear fruit.

EnCOURAGEment

Most days I go to the gym on my lunch break but sometimes I run along the river near downtown, where I work. I typically have a workout buddy but this one day I didn't and I felt like God told me to run. So I did. I was jamming out to worship music like I typically would . I ran by this tree that is planted near the river and God said stop at this tree until the song you're listening to is over. I did. I waited thinking something miraculous might happen or God would enlighten me with some great knowledge. It didn't. He didn't. OK....When the song was over I continued on my way and went back to work. Nothing "special" happened immediately from that choice to obey. And please know, I am not always obedient. This doesn't happen to me everyday but it was a simple yet special moment when I was and God used it. He will for you too, friend.

Later that afternoon, I received a text. It was from a woman who used to be one of my best friends but our season ended. Not for any particular reason; we were just great friends and then we weren't. That's all and that's it sometimes. Nonetheless, I had prayed for this friend and for our relationship for over a year, that it might have healing...maybe restoration. In her text, she apologized, asked my forgiveness and told me she cared for me and hoped I was doing well. Wow y'all!

These two events seem unrelated but I am convinced they are. See, while I chose to stand by that tree, I wasn't just standing by a random tree. God asked me to stand by that tree for a specific time and I did. That's obedience. It was about listening to Him and doing what He asked me to do, no matter how crazy, silly, scary or weird it felt. In turn, He opened a door I couldn't open. Sometimes God is waiting on us to take that first step. He's giving us directions, are we listening? Our finite minds think if I stand by a tree, something related to the tree or outdoors has to happen, nothing else, but God works in realms and times we can't possibly comprehend.  He can cause the sun to stand still, walls to fall, the dead to rise, the blind to see, He can harden hearts and He can soften them...even enough to send a friendship healing text on a random Tuesday afternoon. There is nothing He cannot do. The victory is always His but He allows us to reap in the rewards whether earthly or eternal. We have His power within us and it's a shame when we don't have enough courage to use it.

Courage is strength or power to deal with fear. We all have a fear of something but God is the strength of our hearts. Be brave in your obedience. If you feel that nudge, go for it. If you think a kind thought about someone, say it. If you know a helpful truth, share it. If you have a life changing love, give it. And if you hear that still, small voice, follow it. You cannot imagine the amazing things that will happen when you do.

Blizzard Meltdown

I started this 12 week weight lifting program back at the first of January and I'm exactly half way through it. I workout 6-7 days a week, I count my macros and log all my food. It's exhausting most days. However, I've made progress, the numbers prove it. I've lost a clothing size, 3% body fat, I think I can see a shadow of my abs (I may still be dreaming on that one but I'm hopeful). Nonetheless, I had a moment this past weekend where no matter the truth, every time I looked in the mirror all I could see was how far I still had to go, how much I hadn't accomplished yet, all the food I wasn't eating (Bread-I still love you!) . I was mad so I sent my husband to Dairy Queen for a Blizzard. I ate it in about 5 minutes on the floor in my closet while I prayed....and cried.

I wasn't just eating a Blizzard, the most mouthwatering amazing ice cream concoction ever created, but I was also experiencing a spiritual blizzard. Drop by my pity party for just a moment... I get in my closet to pray most every morning, I journal, read my bible, host studies and mentor other girls, I'm in a life group and I serve at church when I can. I ask God to use me everyday, no I beg Him actually (and come to think of it, this may just be Him telling me to hush like I do my children when they beg for something, except I know my Father is much more gracious than I). These are things we're supposed to do, things that most days truly fulfill me but every now and then, the enemy wins and he convinces you his lies are truth. That you don't matter, God will never use you and He certainly doesn't care about the everyday choices that you make. Dear One, if this is a current lie the devil is telling you, please hear me....God deeply cares about every.single.choice. you make. He honors your obedience and He sees and loves you more than anything. That's truth-hang on to it! Anyway, so the same moment I'm eating this ice cream, Indian style on the floor with tears in my eyes, I tell God just how much I want to quit and ask Him if He's worth it.

 

Will You ever answer some of my prayers? Why does this life have to be so hard? Where are you?

God reminded me of the time Jesus prayed to His Father in the garden before His death. He asked God if there be any other way but death. What if Jesus didn't say, "Your will be done"? What if He said, "Dad, I've been with these people over 30 years and I don't think they're worth it." And what if God said ok. What if when Jesus bearing the cross and all of MY sins, YOUR sins, gave up? I can't even imagine the weight. On the way up that hill, Jesus carrying his cross, dropped it from exhaustion and pain. Joseph was told to carry it the rest of the way for him but what if Jesus had quit right then and there. What if He didn't finish His race, denied us and left us to reconcile our own sins. No Easter, no resurrection, no eternal life, no grace or forgiveness, no hope and no love.

Thank you Jesus, that You aren't a quitter. Praise God, Your will be done and not mine. I am weak, my flesh fails, I'm scared and doubtful. You, Lord, are the only good thing in me. If anyone in the history of ever, should've quit, it should've been Jesus. No one would have thought less of Him but maybe no one would've thought more of Him. That's what makes Him so special isn't it?! His great love. He loves you, and me, so much that He didn't quit. Not then, not now, He pursues us still.

I'll probably never be asked to lay down my life the way Jesus did but I am invited everyday to pick up my cross and follow Him. Some days I don't know if its worth it. But I believe God's Word and I'm compelled to follow it because there's something about that great love...I need it like I need air to breathe. Because if Jesus so obediently died for that love, surely I can live for it?!

I will eat more real Blizzards and encounter more hypothetical ones because this side of Heaven is absolutely dreadful some days. That's ok. Jesus knows it is too and He intercedes for us to the Father. So eat a big blizzard, cry big tears but don't quit. Thank God, Jesus didn't.

Stay in the Game

At my son's baseball game, I watch the pitcher as he struggles. No outs, bases loaded and he feels the pressure to fix it, to do better, to save the moment...win the game. With every pitch he looks to the coach begging with scared eyes to be pulled from the mound. But his coach won't pull him out, instead he tells him you can do it and you have to learn to push through these tough moments.

 

That's when I heard God. When I feel the pressure to do more, to be better and I want to give up, not because I can't do a thing but because I just don't want to. It's these moments though that make us stronger, wiser, better. I don't always understand why when it seems there has to be someone better equipped but He's leaving me in the game anyways. Deep down I know its not about this one game, about getting the win. It's about me and Him, about my character and our relationship. Glory to glory. I want to win the game but if I don't, He'll be just as proud of me. I'll have learned a little more about who I am and a lot more about who God is.

 

God allows us to go through difficult circumstances to change and prepare us. To need Him so desperately and intensely that nothing else will satisfy that longing. This challenges us to reach the next glory and become mature, lacking nothing. Learning to yield to His voice, His Spirit within us positions us for action and for the next promotion. God doesn't care as much about your circumstances as much as He cares about your character. Until we have proven we can be trusted with little, He won't give us any more. I can't be the starting pitcher if I can't handle one inning.

 

Father God, forgive me for my doubt and laziness, for not wanting to try harder when I know I can because I'm scared of failing. You deserve the best version of me! Help me Lord to not only hear your voice but to follow it completely. Make me brave for the blessings you have for me and make me worthy of the calling I have received according to your perfect will. Thank you for loving me enough to not only have a great plan for my life but for helping me through it all. I love you! Amen.

War Room Confession #1

If you've read my previous posts then you know I love the movie, War Room. I love inspirational movies, all of them, but I love this one especially because its applicable. You can pray for your spouse and actually see change in your marriage.

Of course, for theatrical purposes and time sake, it seems as if she prays like for a week and then boom! her hubby is a completely God-loving, praying, led by the Spirit, family man. Now I'm not saying God can't or won't work that quickly, His timing is not even close to ours, but in my experience that hasn't been the case. It's been more of a never-ending, on your knees, weeping, laughing, fit-throwing, begging, completely amazed, cycle of whys and thank yous. I've been married ten years (happy heart eyes emoji) and I've been married ten years (furrowed brows with chin scratching emoji) so take this all with a grain of salt but I think if we could see War Room played out in real life, we would see so much more time go by where it seems as if God isn't doing anything. Oh the stories I could tell of the first five years of our relationship! It could fill a whole season of Law & Order I'm sure. We were mean to each other, we walked away, we yelled, we broke things especially each others' hearts, we almost got divorced, probably once a month (lol, but really). You feel utterly alone and embarrassed that you're failing. But the reality of it is, every marriage out there, if you've made it very long, has these seasons. Unfortunately, there isn't just one either. It may not always be WWE Smackdown but there will always be struggles.

In marriage counseling one time, our pastor told us that no marriage can succeed without appropriate friendships. What that means is friendships with other married couples, who are experiencing some of the same life goals and issues that you are. So when the going gets tough, you have encouragement, wisdom and truth if you need it. You also need other godly women who can pray with you and for you, that cheer you on and comfort you. Feeling isolated in a struggling relationship is one of the saddest and scariest feelings. Dear one, if you're in this season now, don't give up. Reach out. Or pray for God to bring you someone to speak life back into you and your marriage. He wants your marriage to work more than you do and He will show up. He will provide. He will restore. Being a Christian woman does not make you powerless. You lead by example. You have authority over your spouse on a spiritual level. I've never been the type to fully embrace the "submit" part of the marriage verses but God has shown me over many icky seasons that I'm not submitting to my husband necessarily, I'm submitting to Him. There is power in my obedience to the Lord. That's when I quit trying to change my husband and God steps in and changes him for me like only He can.

Get your war room ready and spend time in it. Be brave. God is big and He can do big things. Expect that! And FYI, if you haven't walked around your house praying out loud like a crazy person, rebuking the enemy and claiming scripture over your home, then you haven't tried everything yet!

My current "war room"

Train Your Heart

Compassion and mercy are not my strong suits. Seriously. I scored so low on them on my spiritual gifts test. I've always known that but somehow seeing your weaknesses on paper really cuts deep. One day my oldest son Noah told me, sarcastically, "Mom, you need to show love better. You're not very good at it."  Well if the low score didn't confirm it, getting majorly called out by my 10 year old certainly did. C'mon, of course I love people. I am just so honest, I keep it a little too real sometimes and I forget that other people, not only don't like it, but don't respond well to it. I don't want to be that wife, or mom or friend. That's not who I think I am, its definitely not who I want to be. I need to get my actions to match my words. Where's my follow though?!

So, I prayed about it. At first I argued, "that's just me" and God made me this way so its fine. Then I thought, I need to learn everyone's love languages that I know and learn to love them their way. Both of these thoughts are not wrong but the trick, God showed me, was combining them. Me and my gifts include having a strong vision to constantly push forward and to feel strongly convicted about, well, everything. These are me, and they are good qualities, gifts that God gave me with a great purpose. But I understand 1 Corinthians 13 now more than ever. Gifts without love are nothing. I prayed a lot on this. That God would give me wisdom for truth, that I would love others the way that He does and see them through His eyes and not mine. Then I prayed for opportunities to speak truth in love. He brought me friends searching for advice and prayers or maybe just a random text that He showed me was a divine appointment to be used by Him, to speak life. God also gave me the idea to send notes to some friends just simply telling them how great I think they are and that they are loved, encouraging them, praying for them. I called it Pass the Love. My goal was to be more intentional about saying the positive things I think. I want to speak life into my relationships. The world tells us all the time that we aren't good enough. We need more love spoken. We should never underestimate the power of encouragement. Or God's ability to use our tiny choices of obedience to bless someone. He gives us the words and the timing. God is crazy y'all! and I love that about Him. He's spontaneous and fun but always with purpose and never wasteful.

I want to be intentional like God. So I have to work out that muscle just like I would at the gym. If you want a specific muscle to grow, you have to push it, intentionally use it, break it down and build it back up and that's when it gets stronger. "{Watch over} your heart for everything you do flows from it" Proverbs 4:23 Train it. God is the best personal trainer. He gives help when we ask, He pushes us to more, he also gives rest and no one, friend, loves better than Jesus. He gave His life for you.

Tip: One prayer I pray everyday is to love God more. That simple. Mind blowing right?! I learned this from Beth Moore. But truly, because if I'm filled up with Him, it will overflow onto everyone around me. He is all I need. The more focused I am on Him, the more everything else just falls into place. I'll have love to give abundantly. I can learn to love better because apparently I'm not that good at it. Yet.

Valleys Create Opportunities

There’s been a significant drop in prices in the oil & gas industry, which is my current career, so of course there’s lots of talk about what that means for the consumer and for oil and gas companies. In a department meeting we had a few weeks ago, my manager said, “Valleys create opportunities.” Right then, there was a quickening in my spirit. Yes they do! I thought that’s not just true of business, that’s true of life, of relationships, of our spiritual walk with Christ.

We all walk through valleys. It’s just a part of life on this side of Heaven. Some valleys are awful, scary and all we can do is just keep breathing; other valleys aren’t as breath taking but still hard and usually painful in some way.  I Peter 1:6-7 says we suffer grief and go through trials of all kinds so that our faith is proved genuine. These trials strengthen our faith so that we may become the people Jesus wants us to be. It’s not easy to walk through these valleys and often we don’t think we’ll make it but when we can’t, that’s when God can. It’s allowing God to get us through these trials that strengthens our faith in Him. Suffering alone doesn’t gain us anything and it doesn’t make God happy either. He wants us to lean on Him. Give Him your weakness and He’ll give you His strength. His Word promises this.

My oldest son had to have surgery on his kidney a year ago today. The urethral tube leaving his kidney wasn’t filtering properly and caused his kidney to swell which in turn caused vomiting. I should also mention that Noah has anxiety, he’s an over-thinker, and he worries about dying a lot even though he’s saved and believes he’s going to heaven. So for him, going through this surgery felt very scary, it was like facing death in a way. It meant pain, discomfort and the worst part, no baseball for a month. This boy has been playing ball for over 6 years and a month off for him would be eternity. I’d say for a 10 year old boy this was quite a valley. I immediately began praying for the opportunity this would create. I prayed that God would show up big for Noah and instead of thinking about death and fear which is what Satan is counting on, I prayed this would be a beautiful moment where Noah sees what God can really do when you trust Him. “Anyone who meets a testing challenge head on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life.” (James 1:12) Oh how I hope my sons would be loyally in love with God and be rewarded with life! That’s a challenge worth accepting. The first night after Noah’s surgery was tough. He was in a lot of pain and he had a catheter and he hates those so we were up almost every hour. He would push back the tears and try to be tough, and so would I. He looked at me in the middle of that night and said, “Mommy I prayed that God would help me and I hope that He will.” Baby boy, He already has and He’s here right now. This is just the beginning. That’s just the thing isn’t it? That’s the opportunity, to see Jesus, to know Him more and learn to really trust Him. My greatest valleys didn’t just prove my faith genuine, but my marriage, my friendships, my finances. When those things are lined up with God’s will, that’s when you flourish. That’s where real joy is! My mom said to me in the hospital, “Noah is an amazing ball player even with these health issues. Can you imagine how much greater he might be after he’s healed?” Maybe he will be better. Even if he’s not, even if he’s worse; in Noah’s ten year old valley, he sought God and he found Him.

It also happens to be his birthday and so I was reflecting on his life and I was reminded of a time when Noah was only seven. I got frustrated with him because of his anxiety. He’s always questioning everything; not to be disrespectful but because he’s afraid he’ll do the wrong thing. He’ll wonder if his coach really said to wear the red shirt instead of the blue one and ask to see the text from him. He’ll be upset if we’re only 20 minutes early instead of 30. If it doesn’t make sense to him, he doesn’t trust it. These doubts happened every day when he was younger and one day I finally looked at him and said, “I’ve been taking care of you since you were in my tummy, I’ve been loving you since before you were born and everything I do is for you. Why don’t you trust me?! I love you and I’m not going to stop!” Right then, God said, “Darbi, do you hear me?!” The sounds were coming out of my mouth but the words were God’s. Y’all, God loves you and He’s never going to stop. He wants the very best for you even in the valleys, especially in the valleys. Opportunity is defined as a set of circumstances that make it possible to do something. When I think about the valleys of life, I don’t automatically think “Yay! What an opportunity!” But, maybe I should. Maybe the next valley is the greatest opportunity of my life.

Difficult Soul

"So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.  For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.  But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law." Galatians 5:17-18

 

Sometimes I think I'm crazy. But when I read these verses I know I'm not. Every day that I pick up my cross and seek to take another step towards the calling of my Savior, I can be sure that Satan is right behind me, trying to trip me, reminding me of my failures and stealing my joy. The enemy comes at me like my favorite cheat meal after a month of clean eating and hard training. He knows what my flesh craves and brings it to me in a perfect bow. But, because I have the full armor of God I can fight my daily battle knowing the war has already been won.

 

Some days are just tough. Some days this Jesus life almost doesn't seem worth it. Some days I don't know if God will keep His promises. My soul aches with these concerns but the Spirit in me is stronger. I beg God everyday that His Spirit in me be louder than any other voice.

 

When my strength isn't' enough, let me tap into Yours, Lord. When my heart, mind and soul turn against me, keep calling me. Don't give up on me. Give me a new day to fight and to be more than a conqueror in You. Amen!