Confident Women

Confidence is the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust; conviction. I've been thinking a lot about confidence and how it looks different on everyone. Primarily I'm talking about women because that's my heart. We're all more or less confident about certain things because we all have different gifts, passions, ideas, etc. but so many women lack a general confidence. I believe the root of that is trust. Who do you trust? Your husband, parents, a good friend? What about God...do you trust Him? Not just that He exists or is in control of everything but do you trust His goodness, His plan for your life, His Word if you even read it, do you trust that He not only hears your prayers but answers them? There's a big difference between faith and trust. And you can't really trust someone you don't know.

I'm going to throw this statement out there: I love women! Now hold on, don't freak out. Not in a awkward-like does my husband know-kind of way but like I think women are the most fabulous, fun, creative, soul mates there are. We're strong and wise and beautiful in every kind of way you can't even imagine. I think when women come together, it's a glimpse of heaven; everyone using their gifts in a unique for a great purpose of giving a greater God glory. The enemy wants to convince us we need to compete against one another but it's a lie. The more we build each other up, the stronger we all get. I've seen it. I live it in my friendships that I prayed years for. When you get a taste of a truly godly friendship, I promise you'll be addicted and you won't look back once at whatever you left behind.

I've met so many women who are looking for friendships that encourage and inspire. That build you up, not tear you down. It is possible. My soul sister, Angel & I started SEEK, a women's group that meets twice a month at my house, last fall. Our only goal was to maintain an honesty about life while pursuing Jesus with everything we've got. We cry together, laugh together, its mostly love with small doses of truth dabbled about. We keep it real, we study the Bible, we pray together and definitely eat together. The best part, God. always. shows. up.

We'll begin spring 2016 SEEK soon and I'm going into it with a fervent passion to unite more women to love Jesus more than anything else in their life because I believe when they do, everything else will just fall into place. We all need a support system to teach, to guide, to push, to pull back, to remind us who God is and that He's worth the struggles of this life. Together, as we learn to trust deeper, we'll gain more confidence to be better wives, mothers, friends, co-workers, and Jesus followers.

  This is what the Lord says:

“Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
    who draws strength from mere flesh
    and whose heart turns away from the Lord.
⁶ That person will be like a bush in the wastelands;
    they will not see prosperity when it comes.
They will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
    in a salt land where no one lives.

⁷ “But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
    whose confidence is in him.⁸ They will be like a tree planted by the water
    that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
    its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
    and never fails to bear fruit.”

⁹ The heart is deceitful above all things
    and beyond cure.
    Who can understand it?

¹⁰ “I the Lord search the heart
    and examine the mind,
to reward each person according to their conduct,
    according to what their deeds deserve.”

Jeremiah 17: 5-10

 

 

Lego Sacrifice

I think most people know what Legos are. They've been around forever so even if you don't have children or don't have children that play with Legos, maybe you did when you were young or you have friends with kids or nieces/nephews that enjoy them. I have three boys so Legos are a staple at our house. There are so many. I like to keep them sorted with their coordinating instructions but inevitably they all end up mixed together in one giant box (it's not a battle I choose to fight). For this Type A mama, their chaos makes me a little crazy but I must admit they are a pretty cool toy. For the simple reason that you can just sit down at any age and just start building something. Anything you want. You can make it up as you go. If you don't' know what I'm talking about here's how it goes at our house: first, you build a wall, then a house, then it becomes a castle and bad guys are storming it with swords, then you break a piece off and fly away in your jet that gets shot down and turns into a car and you have a race that ends in a crash. This all happens in about 30 seconds. Also, at some point, my child will look at what I'm building and say "Hey where did you get that piece? I need it. Can I have it?"
At the start of this year, I asked God for a word and He gave me build, along with invest. They go together really. Anything you're building, you're really also investing in. If not time and money, for sure prayers and thoughts. As I've been praying about the things I should be building this year, God leaned over and said, "Hey! Are you using that piece? I need it. Can I have it?" It was a dream I was holding on to, an idea of something that I wanted to build myself and I hadn't let it go. Sometimes God asks us to make a sacrifice, not because He wants to take something away from us but because He has something better to give us. We all have something we're desperately clinging to. For me, it was ultimately fear. Fear that God isn't good, that if I really give Him my deepest desire, He'll leave me empty-handed. I was so afraid I would miss my calling, that I had made too many wrong decisions for God to ever use me and He would never do the things He told me He would. Maybe for you its a job, its financial freedom, its walking away from a group of friends that you know you shouldn't be spending so much time with, maybe its a spouse or at least a happy marriage, or maybe a baby-forget boy or girl, maybe it's your health or a broken relationship you want restored. I've begged God, pleaded with Him and thought if I kept it tucked away and prayed hard enough, He would give me what I wanted. Prayer is effective! Amen! So I'm not saying don't pray about it. Absolutely pray, without ceasing about all things. But what I am saying is ask God what He wants you to lay down at his feet. Is it fear, envy, pride, selfishness, doubt, anger? Maybe it's something good. There's nothing wrong with some of our dreams but when they get us stuck, it can be pretty hard to get moving again. Friend, that piece you're holding on to, is keeping you from the greatest adventure. Pray. Get in His word. Talk to a friend. Then next time God leans in and asks you for that one piece, give it to Him! You may end up building a house, or a castle, fighting with swords, flying a jet, driving a race car, or, God bless it, doing all of it. And even if you do nothing, you'll be doing it with your Good Father who is absolutely trustworthy and loves you deeply.

Hebrews 11:17-19  

¹⁷  It was by faith that Abraham offered Isaac as a sacrifice when God was testing him. Abraham, who had received God’s promises, was ready to sacrifice his only son, Isaac, ¹⁸ even though God had told him, “Isaac is the son through whom your descendants will be counted.”^{[a] 19} Abraham reasoned that if Isaac died, God was able to bring him back to life again. And in a sense, Abraham did receive his son back from the dead.

For Abraham's full story read Genesis 22.

Break Me

Have you ever prayed a "break me" prayer? Well, I have. I do often, in fact. I don't always know what I'm asking for when I pray for it so it's a little different every time. Lately, as I ask for brokenness, He's showing me that I already am. I have been since I was formed in the womb. We all are. So when I ask to be broken, I'm really asking for Him to just show me the ways that I am broken. "Search me, God, and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts."
Yikes! The God of the whole universe is going to test me?! That can seem scary but I've done it enough times now to know that I always am better for it because He keeps His promise to work all things for good. And I'm the kind of person that likes a challenge. I'm competitive by nature. With others and with myself. It's why I love lifting weights. The breaking down to build back up. I crave the brokenness. Some days it is exhausting and painful (one reason why rest is equally important but that's another topic). When I say I like a challenge, I also like dares. I'm stubborn that way. Tell me I can't, and I certainly will. Something my husband has yet to find endearing about me. But it pushes me to greater things. See, people say God never gives us more than we can handle, but in my experience, He absolutely does. So that we'll need Him, so He can show us how great He is. Every difficult moment of my life, every sin, spurred me on to become a better version of myself because it made me look up, not within. I can do all things in Christ and nothing apart from Him. It sounds so simple, but I know first hand that it's not. Which is leads me right back to why I've prayed the "break me" prayer over and over again. All I know for sure, is that every time I'm broken, somehow I know Him more and I love Him more. Praise God, He is my personal trainer and He's the absolute best! I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want a trainer that told me, "Sure! Have all the cheat meals you want. Don't worry about lifting those weights if they're too heavy. You probably couldn't do it anyways." No way. I want someone who already sees the best version of me and urges me to see it too. Don't wish for it, work for it. Sometimes you need encouragement, but sometimes you need tough love. Thank God, He knows exactly what we need when we need it. I pray I'm less afraid of hard work and more afraid of never trying. I pray I'm brave in my brokenness. Even if I'm on my knees, I'll keep looking up, especially when I'm on my knees. So if you're there currently, believe with your whole heart, God is about to push you to the next level and it is not for the faint of heart but it is a glory worth striving for. The enemy knows our strengths and weaknesses too; discouragement is one of his most powerful tools because if Satan can convince us we can't then the great thing you want to do, that stirring deep down in your heart that you're meant for something amazing-a great destiny-it will never happen. God never gets the glory and you never know His best. Live a life worthy of the calling you have received. God made you in His image to do good things by the mighty power of His Spirit that works deeply within you.

Lord, give me more than I can handle so I can see what You can handle. Break me, and build me back to the best version of myself that I might live a worthy life loving You with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.

Choose Love

I made several commitments to the Lord for 2016 of things I am going to work on. One of them was loving my husband better. Now talk about your New Year's resolutions that'll never make it, this has to be at the top of the list. I've been married over ten years and I'll tell you, choosing to love your spouse everyday is hard, practically impossible, especially without God, and if I'm just being honest, some days I flat out just don't want to. So to kick myself into gear, I watched War Room. Beware, if you haven't seen it, you will be called out. If not by the Holy Spirit or Priscilla Shirer, then for sure your hubby, if he's watching too. Then I got serious about adding scripture to my "war room" and wrote out a specific prayer for Michael along with a few happy pictures of us. I even filled up my desk at work, that's how much spurring I need currently. Not everyday I feel the effectiveness of my prayers but I give it to God anyways.
Then, last night, I had a dream. Michael was sleeping in bed and his mother came over. She was yelling at him, telling him all the things he had done wrong, how he had hurt her and finally told him, "and this is why you don't deserve to be a father." I looked at Michael waiting for him to react harshly, out of anger, which would be more typical in real life but he didn't. He began weeping. At that moment something in me stirred. I pointed to the door and told her to get out. I said, "You don't get to say that to him, you broke him, you made him this way and now you're done. Get out!" All the while I'm backing her towards the door, first out of the bedroom then all the way to the front door.   Before she stepped out of the house, I finally told her, "You were supposed to choose love but you chose hate instead. You were supposed to choose love, choose love!"
I woke up thinking about brokenness. The dream is not about my mother-in-law, not even a little. It was God giving me a glimpse of Michael's hurt, his pain that he carries when I wonder why he is the way he is. He's broken, we all are. But, thank you Jesus, when we choose love like he did for us on that cross, we get victory over the enemy. We need people in our lives that choose love when we can't and help us kick that enemy right out of our homes, and our hearts. There just isn't room for Satan's lies and Christ's love. His love is far too wide, and long, and high and deep.
I choose to love Michael because God loves Michael. Because Jesus died for him too. I can't be selfish with that abundant, selfless sin-bearing love. I have to give it away. Pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, poured into the laps of every needy sinner, especially mine. I ask God to help me see Michael the way He does and He did that for me in my dream. Thankfully, I was able to back that hate right out of our lives. God showed me that when my confidence is in Him, when I give Him all the broken pieces, it's then that I can tap into Christ's love and boldly fight for my marriage, my family, my thoughts and dreams. So I hope dreams come true. They do when they're God's dreams for us. I pray I choose love when I'm awake as much as I did asleep.

Unleashed Glee

I like to run. I think God does too because He's always with me when I go. Last weekend I went running and usually I take our dog, Gauge, because a) he loves it and b) he's super energetic and stays in a kennel seven hours a day. As you can imagine, he wants to just run as fast and as long as he can, but of course, for his safety I usually can't allow him to do that (see pic on the left). Also, squirrels and birds would get the best of him and he's a little skittish of cars when they speed by, and there's also the problem of how he doesn't know which way to go. Because I completely understand his desire to run freely, my body longs for the same thing sometimes, I feel sorry for him, so as I remind myself all the reasons why I have to leave him on the leash, God spoke to me. He told me, "Darbi, you're Gauge. You're a dog on a leash. I know the desire you have to do great, big things, to run and not stop but, my dear, you don't know the way. You don't know the dangerous things heading your way that I can protect you from if you'll listen. You might not care about squirrels or birds but what about envy, apps on your phone, shopping, chasing the next promotion, don't they distract you? Would you chase them if I let you? I need you to learn to hear my voice above all else and to wholly trust me."
As we kept running, we got to a gated field and I let Gauge off his leash (see pic on the right). He could run fast, slow, stop and smell anything he wanted, he had complete freedom in that field. After a season of training, of learning to trust, to obey, God takes us to a season of blessing where we can run with unleashed glee. When we pursue Him, we find ourselves wanting His desires for us and they are far greater than anything we ever requested or imagined. God's plans are better than my dreams. Anything less just robs me of His best. We can fully embrace those abundant seasons when we know they're a gift from God.
I'm currently in a season of waiting on God. I'm on a leash. And I have a few friends who are in the field running with that unleashed glee that I long for. The flesh part of me wants to feel jealous and frustrated. But as I learn to be obedient to God, I choose to cultivate a heart of thankfulness for their season while I wait for mine. I want to pray for them and share in their joy. They would do the same for me. And because when I get off that leash, I want to run, to sprint, with my whole heart, and not grow weary. I want to truly enjoy all that God has in store for me. My strength will rise as I wait upon the Lord.
Not to mention, at some point, we get put back on the leash for another season of growing. This is the absolute joy of being in a relationship with Jesus. He doesn't need us. He loves us and chooses to use us to carry out His good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2) I don't know about you, but I don't want to miss a thing, leash or no leash!

Vision Board 2016

Last Friday evening, I made my 4th annual vision board and had my 2nd annual vision board party. If you've never done a vision board, you have to! That's just it. It has made a huge impact on my life ever year that I've done and my life has changed significantly more than any year I didn't do one. The boards are't themselves magic or especially powerful. They're just plain posterboard with magazine clippings glued all over them. Sometimes scripture, or pics of specific items are added but all in all, they're really a mess to anyone else but the creator.

If you're wondering what a vision board is, its a $.99 posterboard from Wal-Mart thoughtfully covered in clippings from the fifty or so magazines myself and friends saved over the last year, it's also verse images printed off (check out the YouVersion Bible App for creating fun verse images of your favorite scriptures) or pictures of family (you see and my handsome hubby at the bottom) or inspiring people ( see Nikki Blacketter who is a fitness competitor who I follow on IG), and there are quotes, concepts, pretty flowers, words, etc. Anything you dream or want to achieve, accomplish or do in the next year. Maybe its to get organized, get a haircut, work on your marriage or your cooking skills, take a trip, get a new job, pray more, read more, dream bigger, know God deeper. Whatever it is, it's worthy of acknowledging because every dream we have is about something God placed inside of us to do good in this world, to be salt and light and to lead others to Him for HIS glory. Amen!

If this is too much, google it. I think it was Oprah who did it first.

Here's mine. See, it looks so random and makes no sense, except to me. To me, its beautiful and exciting because I know its everything God is going to do in my life this year, and more, so much more than I can ask or imagine. His Word says so. And I'll tell you the secret to why I think they work. Prayer. And maybe a smidge of accountability in having that daily reminder that you said you'd do something so you better follow through. Because let's face it, if you're like me, then you drop the ball daily on at least three things and I don't need to add one more. This Jesus life is tough!

 

Prayer is the secret. It's the reason. It's everything. Seems simple enough to some but for others finding prayer time or even the "right" words can be overwhelming. The most important part of hosting a VB party is having everyone share what's on their board. Not to embarrass or shame anyone, but to know each other more and to know what I can pray for my friends. When you release those words and share them with people that love you, there is nothing more powerful than knowing they're going to pray for me and I'm praying for them. God says the prayers of a righteous person are powerful and effective. Friend, prayer is the most powerful thing you can ever do. Pray.Pray boldly. There is nothing more powerful in this world than the words you speak to the Creator of the universe who knows you and loves you deeply. I prayed for each letter, image, thought that is on this board and I pray for my friends' boards, for their vision and their dreams. They pray for mine.These are our year long prayer requests. We encourage each other to do the things we said we'd do. To do more and better because with Him, we can. We lift each other up. That's what women should do. Praise God that's what the ones in my life do.

If you haven't already made a vision board, just start one. It's New Year's resolutions taken to the next level. Plus, its cutting and pasting pretty stuff. It's win-win really.