Break Me

Have you ever prayed a "break me" prayer? Well, I have. I do often, in fact. I don't always know what I'm asking for when I pray for it so it's a little different every time. Lately, as I ask for brokenness, He's showing me that I already am. I have been since I was formed in the womb. We all are. So when I ask to be broken, I'm really asking for Him to just show me the ways that I am broken. "Search me, God, and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts."
Yikes! The God of the whole universe is going to test me?! That can seem scary but I've done it enough times now to know that I always am better for it because He keeps His promise to work all things for good. And I'm the kind of person that likes a challenge. I'm competitive by nature. With others and with myself. It's why I love lifting weights. The breaking down to build back up. I crave the brokenness. Some days it is exhausting and painful (one reason why rest is equally important but that's another topic). When I say I like a challenge, I also like dares. I'm stubborn that way. Tell me I can't, and I certainly will. Something my husband has yet to find endearing about me. But it pushes me to greater things. See, people say God never gives us more than we can handle, but in my experience, He absolutely does. So that we'll need Him, so He can show us how great He is. Every difficult moment of my life, every sin, spurred me on to become a better version of myself because it made me look up, not within. I can do all things in Christ and nothing apart from Him. It sounds so simple, but I know first hand that it's not. Which is leads me right back to why I've prayed the "break me" prayer over and over again. All I know for sure, is that every time I'm broken, somehow I know Him more and I love Him more. Praise God, He is my personal trainer and He's the absolute best! I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want a trainer that told me, "Sure! Have all the cheat meals you want. Don't worry about lifting those weights if they're too heavy. You probably couldn't do it anyways." No way. I want someone who already sees the best version of me and urges me to see it too. Don't wish for it, work for it. Sometimes you need encouragement, but sometimes you need tough love. Thank God, He knows exactly what we need when we need it. I pray I'm less afraid of hard work and more afraid of never trying. I pray I'm brave in my brokenness. Even if I'm on my knees, I'll keep looking up, especially when I'm on my knees. So if you're there currently, believe with your whole heart, God is about to push you to the next level and it is not for the faint of heart but it is a glory worth striving for. The enemy knows our strengths and weaknesses too; discouragement is one of his most powerful tools because if Satan can convince us we can't then the great thing you want to do, that stirring deep down in your heart that you're meant for something amazing-a great destiny-it will never happen. God never gets the glory and you never know His best. Live a life worthy of the calling you have received. God made you in His image to do good things by the mighty power of His Spirit that works deeply within you.

Lord, give me more than I can handle so I can see what You can handle. Break me, and build me back to the best version of myself that I might live a worthy life loving You with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.